Paths to Patience

     Suppose your spouse or parent or child said something that made you 
angry.  Ok.  You need patience to wait out the anger.
     Or suppose you are waiting in line at the store and the clerk is 
nowhere in sight.  Ok.  You need patience while waiting your turn.
     In this essay, I suggest several principles of patience.  My hope is 
that you think about them and look to your tribulations as opportunities 
to practice patience.
     Search for the correct understanding.  The meaning of whatever ey 
said depends on eir future actions.  Your initial anger is a sign that 
you need to be paying attention to the situation.  Making the best 
response depends on understanding well what the actual situation is.  
Did ey mean what you first thought ey meant?  Probably not since 
everything is more complicated than it first appears.
     In the case of the missing clerk, it is not useful to blame the 
clerk for being missing.  The store may have a problem getting enough 
staff to meet customer needs.  So either prepare yourself to wait, or go 
to another store.
     If you anticipate having to wait, you can bring some work with you.  
For example, bring a book to read or homework or knitting or a letter to 
write.  Otherwise, you can distract yourself by studying the people on 
the scene, noticing patterns around you, thinking of solutions to 
problems you or other people have, etc.
     In the case of having to deal with a difficult situation or person, 
pause, relax, take a fresh look at the situation or person.  Try to see 
the situation from different viewpoints.  Most of the time, conflicts are 
not real, but only seem to be conflicts.
     In most situations, you can enhance your patience by thinking 
positive thoughts about the people or things involved.  Remember that you 
want your spouse or child or parent to be happy and to think well of 
you.  Thus you will help yourself by smiling instead of frowning, and 
quietly asking questions instead of yelling.
     It is quite easy to have patience if you interact with people in 
such ways that patience is not needed.  Kindness and respect are 
important for interacting with people.  People treated kindly tend to be 
kind in return.  People treated with respect tend to be respectful in return.
     In brief, you can boost your patience by understanding the situation 
more accurately, by knowing how to distract yourself, by teaching 
yourself to relax, by thinking positive thoughts, and by making the need 
for patience less.