Martha Weinstein
Executive Director
(904)921-6980
918 Railroad Avenue
Tallahassee, Florida
32301

Situations that have led to conflict which resulted in mediation or calls 
to the Center for assistance:

Noise Complaints are frequent here.  These are usually from people who live 
in apartments and hear their neighbors' music or television but also come 
from neighbors whose homes are near each other.  Usually, the persons who 
complain are very frustrated because the noise disturbs them and they are 
angry because the other party isn't being sensitive to their discomfort.
The persons who complain believe they have notified the other party that 
they are being disturbed and by the time they contact the center, they are
very angry and want immediate action taken.

What usually has happened in this type of mediation is that the parties agree
to take the time to go to both homes or apartments and jointly make decisions 
about what an acceptable noise or sound level is and they usually make some 
decisions about what time of day a louder level might be acceptable (for 
example, on the weekends).  Interesting to note is that the Center receives 
notes from people who have participated in this type of mediation thanking 
mediators for helping them learn about their neighbor!  Communication between 
the neighbors and making a mutual decision has helped them learn about each
other and realize that there is an opportunity for friendship.

In addition, there have been those occasions when the neighbors are from 
different ethnic backgrounds and are somewhat distant because of that.
Mediation has sometimes assisted them in learning more about each other. 
However, there have been some situations in which, even after mediation, do 
not have a positive outcome or that the positive outcome only lasts a short 
while.

Family issues come to the Center in a variety of situations.  We receive many 
calls about "ungovernable juveniles", and the situations related to this type 
of complaint range from young people who are testing the limits to families
to those which truly would benefit from family therapy to resolve some deep 
seated issues.  We work with those individuals involved in those situations 
which do not require therapy and make referrals for the others.

We have had several successes with families where the young people are trying 
to determine what the parameters are.  Some of the issues involved in those 
situations relate to school work, responsibilities at home, and social time 
with friends, particularly related to curfew.  Generally, while the parents
want to be the ones who establish the rules, they are stymied when their 
child demands a say in what the rules are.  The "shoulds" don't work well 
here.  By that, I mean, while the generally accepted standard is that parents
should set the rules, if it isn't working, it is better to try a different
approach.  Once parents are able to make that shift, they are willing 
participants in a process of a different level of communication with their
child.

Some of the agreements which have resulted are agreements related to 
completion of household chores, attending school and completing school work 
with expected grade levels, and social times with set curfew hours. One 
has posted their agreement on their refrigerator.  Another family said that 
the mediation resulted in a new level of communication.  And other families 
saw positive results for a while and then needed to re-visit their issues.

Pet complaints are also common.  One of the situations that went to mediation
was superficially about the neighbor's dog barking and the problems that 
intrusion provoked.  The neighbors were both willing to come to mediation and
had a sincere desire to find out how to fix what was wrong.  The result of
the dialog that ensued during mediation was the realization that these 
neighbors really had a lot in common and wanted to be friends.  What they
learned in mediation was that over the many years of being neighbors, they 
rarely spoke and little things began to accumulate and became a wall that 
separated them.  They made a commitment to change their lack of communication
and meet regularly and learn about the other so they could make neighborly 
decisions together.  This friendship has been a source of gratification for 
both of them and they have maintained that friendship since then.

The common thread in each of these that resulted in conflict is lack of
communication.  Many of the agreements reached in mediation have to do with 
the commitment to overcome the lack of communication.  Obviously mediation
provides a forum for people to meet face to face in a safe environment with
agreed upon rules governing how they will talk to each other.  These rules 
are to actively listen with respect and with an open mind, and without 
assaulting or attacking, either verbally or physically.  Within this 
environment, people seem much more able and willing to engage in dialog and
to find common ground for resolution.

Even if people choose not to come to mediation, the Center has been able to 
assist folks in problem solving over the phone, and the main ingredient is
having a 3rd party assist in communication and clarification of issues.

If there was an immediate recognition of problems when they began and a 
willingness to openly and respectfully discuss what's wrong and what is 
needed to prevent escalation, most situations could be resolved successfully 
and quickly.